Looking for a gentle way to help your child sleep independently?
Try Pop-Outs!
WHAT ARE POP-OUTS?
Pop-outs are a gentle way to teach a child that she (or he) is capable of going to sleep on her own at bedtime. It can particularly help when a child is going through a period of separation anxiety or when transitioning from sleeping next to a parent. The idea is that the parent sits with their child for a while while she’s getting ready to fall asleep. The parent then ‘pops-out’ of the room for a short time before returning. At this point, the parent can either pop-out again or sit in the room for a short time before the next pop-out. This gives the child an opportunity to fall asleep independently. The child feels safe and can trust that her parent is never far away.
HOW TO DO IT.
After your bedtime routine, sit beside your child’s bed or in a corner of the room on a chair (don’t lie with your child) and tell her, “I can sit here for a little while if you like, while you go off to sleep. Now, why don’t we both take a deep breath, close our eyes and rest our bodies”. You would model what you want your child to do by relaxing and closing your own eyes. Don’t tell your child to ‘go to sleep’ as this is an abstract idea that can cause feelings of anxiety. After a few minutes, quietly tell your child, “I’m just going to get a drink of water. I’ll be back in a second.” Pop-out quickly, then return silently, sit back on the chair for a few minutes and close your eyes again. Don’t say a word. Start with a very short time period, like thirty seconds, and gradually increase the time you are out of the room at each pop-out. You might find you don’t need to sit back in the room between pop-outs. Your child might eventually be happy with you simply popping your head in to check on her. This process means you are giving your child more and more time and opportunity to fall asleep independently.
TOP TIPS FOR SUCCESS:
✅ Think about what you’ll say in advance.
Repeat your pop-outs using a different ‘reason’ each time. For example, “I just need to go to the toilet, I’ll be back in a minute”, or, “I’m just going to pop-out to put the washing on and I’ll be back in a minute”.
✅ Make your ‘reasons’ short tasks that are believable.
You wouldn’t say, “I’m going to pop out for a bit to clean the bathroom” or, “I just have to make a phone call and I’ll be back soon”. Your child knows these things mean you will be gone a long time.
✅ The only time you should talk to your child is when you tell her you are popping out.
It’s important not to engage with your child at any other time. Some children might try and ‘stall’ sleep time by requesting ‘just one more drink’ or, ‘one more cuddle’. In this situation, you would stay calm, keep your eyes closed and stay silent, except for the pop-out talk.
✅ Do not mention ‘the baby’ if there’s a new baby on the scene.
This can cause feelings of jealousy which will work against you.
✅ If your child gets out of bed.
If your child doesn’t stay in bed, you would calmly take her back to bed and on the way back, briefly repeat your expectation and consequence for not staying in bed. You can say, “I expect you to stay in your bed if I need to ‘pop-out’. If you get out of bed, I will continue to silently return you to bed and I may not be able to keep sitting with you”. Use positive praise when your child does stay in bed and say, “Thank you for staying in bed while I popped-out”. It is however best to leave the positive talk until morning, rather than say too much at bedtime, so as not to overstimulate your child and inadvertently keep her awake.
✅ When your child falls asleep.
Your child might take a long time to fall asleep on night one but more quickly on subsequent nights as her confidence increases. Your child might fall asleep while you are sitting in the room, in which case, you would wait for a few minutes to make sure she is fully asleep and then leave quietly. Or, you might find that when you return after you’ve popped-out, your child has fallen asleep while you were out of the room. This is perfect. It’s what you are aiming for. It means your child was feeling okay with you not being in the room as she went off to sleep. If this happens, it’s always a good idea to reassure your child in the morning that you came back to sit with her but you saw she was asleep, so you kissed her and went off to bed yourself. This will help your child to trust you will do as you say.
WHEN POP-OUTS DON’T WORK.
It’s important to realise that this is just one strategy that will work for some children but not for others, depending on the child’s temperament, amongst other things. Also, it can work well at bedtime but it’s not as effective in the middle of the night. If you are struggling to teach your child to stay in bed and sleep on her own, especially overnight or early in the morning, you might need a more ‘in depth’ plan and support.
For more help, you can get in touch with Tori HERE
